How To Deal With Chronic Dissatisfaction?
Many people do not reflect a level of life satisfaction commensurate with their living conditions. You could say that they have their needs covered and yet it is very difficult to see a smile drawn on their face. We can then speak of chronic dissatisfaction.
Living in complaint is one of the great evils, but also one of the temptations of the 21st century. Faced with this reality, there are two different approaches. One of them tells us that we must fully accept our situation. It’s all in our head, they tell us; dealing with chronic dissatisfaction is therefore a matter of learning to be happy with what we have.
The other approach is totally the opposite. If you are not happy with your situation, change it, they tell us. Set a goal, work hard to reach it, and when you do, you’ll be fine. But what if we told you that the key to dealing with chronic dissatisfaction is a mixture of these two approaches?
Why do we feel dissatisfied?
We have all felt dissatisfied with something at times. No one has a perfect life. However, the problem arises when this feeling dominates everyday life.
Chronic dissatisfaction is usually linked to two things: not accepting reality and not actively working to change what we don’t like. The secret that many people don’t know is that both things are crucial to feeling good. Applying just one of the two is a recipe for painful, depressing and unpleasant emotions.
What if you only accept the present?
Suppose, on the one hand, that you are simply trying to come to terms with what is happening to you. Even though there are things in your life that you don’t like at all, you decide to stop worrying about them. After all, enjoying the present as it comes is one of the keys to happiness.
This way, you force yourself to stop worrying about what you don’t like. If your boss treats you badly, you turn the other cheek. If you don’t have enough resources to have children, give up the idea of having them. How do you think you would feel after doing this?
You will probably feel like you are not in control of your life. You are going to feel like a drifting boat, and rightly so. Acceptance is a very powerful tool, but only in two ways: as a starting point for change (if I don’t accept a problem, it will be difficult for me to get down to work to solve it) and as a way to assimilate which you cannot change.
On the other hand, it is likely that resigning yourself to anything that displeases you, by making a false acceptance, will end up generating great discomfort, based on cognitive dissonance.
Is acting without accepting what is happening the key to happiness?
Let us now take the opposite example. Imagine that you hate your current situation and decide to go to work to change it. However, you don’t accept that you have some of the responsibility because there have been many times when you haven’t been tactful.
At this point, you can get down to work to make a difference. But, without accepting your part, it’s a lot more complicated than the effort you put into getting the effect you want. So, lack of honesty with yourself will lead you to make bad decisions, which will lead you further and further away from what you want.
How to deal with chronic dissatisfaction?
If you are not happy with your current situation, the solution is to combine the two strategies above. To be really good, it is as necessary to accept what is happening to us as it is to actively work to change it. While this may sound contradictory, an example will help you figure it out.
Imagine that you have a high Body Mass Index (BMI) and you would like to lower it. Plus, you really think you’d be happier if you were in better physical shape. Well, the first step is to recognize, in a sincere dialogue with yourself, that you have this desire. Or you don’t have it, if you really don’t have it. Either way, denying it will only help you adopt strategies that won’t help you.
But on the other hand, starting to diet and exercise while you’re being tortured because you’ve reached that point won’t help either. Feeling uncomfortable is a rock against your own motivation. So if you really love yourself, what should you do?
- First of all, accept that you don’t like your body (or yes, you do). You have a high BMI and would like to stay in shape.
- Once you’ve recognized it, make sure your current situation doesn’t define you. What matters is what you do to change it.
- Then set a goal and start working towards it. In this case, you could change your eating habits, for example, or start exercising regularly. It is best to enlist the help of someone who knows and wants to help you.
- Throughout the process, objectively observe what works and change what works and what doesn’t. Also, keep in mind that you can go slowly, sometimes you can go backwards, but you need to keep your goal in mind.
If you apply these four steps, chronic dissatisfaction will go away. Just remember that accepting the situation and working to change it are two steps on the same path. It is difficult to come up with a smart plan of action without first analyzing and accepting the current situation.
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