Jealousy Crises Do Not Come From What We See, But From What We Imagine

Few people define themselves as jealous, and yet many are. This discrepancy comes from the social instability relating to this attribute as a character trait. Thus, in the collective unconscious seems to gravitate a clear idea: the crises of jealousy are not beneficial for anybody, neither for the person who makes them, nor for that which undergoes them.

On the other hand, fits of jealousy are inevitably linked to the concept of property. Not in vain, the fear of losing something only arises when there is a possession or the hope of such possession. However, if we leave it there – logical as it may seem – we would tend to have a very reduced view of this feeling and, as such, of its motivating power.

If jealousy attacks are not only accumulated by mediocre people, it happens that the majority of people who cultivate them think that they are not jealous. This perception leads them to ask themselves questions that they sometimes stab themselves with, like “why is he with me if I don’t deserve someone so good?”, “How long is this hallucination that we call love? will it last? ”

These are questions that hide a feeling of very bitter insignificance for those who ask them, because there resides in them a resistance to devotion, to true love. This resistance is logically accompanied by doubts: “why should I devote myself to a relationship that ends up ending in a rupture?”

That being said, we are not trying to justify the behavior of the jealous person, but to assume that it is not an isolated aspect of his character and that it is one of the pieces of the puzzle that forms his personality. Thus, to analyze the crises of jealousy or the behaviors of a jealous person in an isolated way, it is to analyze the wound by omitting the causes which produced them. 

On the other hand, we also have to notice something if we want to help a jealous person; a jealous person sees this aspect of his personality very badly. She’s really scared. It is not a feigned fear, although others may think that this fear has no basis. Even rationally, the jealous person may have moments of lucidity and understand that their feelings and other behaviors are absurd, which will not help them feel better, and even increase the point at which they feel insignificant.

This is how the cycle feeds back and escalation occurs.

Sometimes it makes you feel like you like things to go wrong. We trust our companion, but if we see his phone at home when he is out, maybe we might be tempted to pick it up and search it. It is not a question of suspicion, but of verification, just as sometimes, when we have just left my house, we go back there to see if we have actually turned off the light.

It is then that we come across messages like “kisses” or “have fun” from someone you don’t know. “Kisses”… But how? When ? Where ? A tender thank you, and one then feels overwhelmed by questions and uneasiness. We are faced with a difficult dilemma: keep everything to yourself, or confess?

“Honey, I looked into your phone to make sure I didn’t have any reason to be jealous.”

Are there really people saying this?

Well yes, the people who believe they have the right to do it and who think that this right is recognized by all. It is very common, for example, that after an infidelity, the unfaithful person allows these behaviors to the other. She understands that this is a way of giving security to the other and showing him that it will not happen again. She then grants him this right of espionage, which she considers as a price to pay to continue the relationship. In other words, between the two members of the couple is a bomb that will eventually explode.

After an infidelity, a person who recovers with his / her deceived companion who previously confessed his espionage then finds himself with a person who will have to start swallowing his doubts, doubts that have nothing to do with a kiss or a kiss. hug, but with what she imagines. From now on, she will no longer search her companion’s phone to check, but to confirm her worst fears.

What we mean to tell you by this is that a jealous person will always find reasons to be jealous, because we all have threads in our life from which a neat mind can make up a full story. of clandestine lovers. Stories that, in the majority of cases, the person who creates them will not share and that they will swallow as one would swallow venom. Thus, in this manner so tragic and also represented in certain theatrical comedies, she will probably end up a prisoner of her own doubts.

On the other hand, the border which separates the crises of jealousy founded and the crises of unfounded jealousy is fine ; nobody wants to be the last to learn that their partner has had an affair because a whole life project can then be at stake. Moreover, on paper, it can be very easy to say that if the relationship must end, it will end, whether or not there is a third person. However, as we said at the beginning of this article, to have such an opinion is to intellectualize too much a feeling which is more complex and which has a very powerful force.

So, if you were hoping to find an easy conclusion to this article, surely you will be disappointed. Jealousy crises and the resulting behaviors are only a personal decision : because yes, everyone must be aware of the thoughts and emotions at play in these behaviors. In either case, fits of jealousy are more related to what we imagine than to the information we actually have.