Blind Love: Not Seeing What A Person Really Is
Love is a feeling that we have all felt before. We all have different ways of loving because everyone expresses themselves differently with the loved one. Thus, there are various forms of love: the love of a couple, the love between brothers and sisters, the love of parents, the love of a child, the love of a loved one, the love between friends, love for what we do… Now, each love can be blind love.
Sometimes we can come to feel a love without limits. In this case, we make the other person a flawless being, whom we deeply admire. We are amazed by everything he does and he becomes someone indispensable in our life. Without him / her, we might feel like we are nobody.
Sometimes we love someone so much that we are unable to see them for who they really are. We are only creating a kind of biased reflection in our mind. It is blind love, a love through which we can come to idealize the person we love. We are ready to give it our all, forgetting ourselves. We will describe this love to you more precisely by focusing on blind love in couple relationships.
Blind love: when we idealize the person we love
We don’t always see what the person we are with really is. This blindness can be the product of idealization: we believe that the person we love is perfect and we might even stop seeing “their human side”. We exaggerate his qualities and stop valuing ours to be able to say that he is perfect. We feel good because we are with someone incredible and very often unattainable.
Sigmund Freud says that idealization is about overestimating a person, whether consciously or unconsciously. On the other hand, idealization is a defense mechanism. In other words, we use it to appease what is tormenting us. So we give a lot of value to the other person to alleviate our anxieties.
Through this defense mechanism, we meet some of our needs; we stop feeling lonely or unmotivated because we see the other as a complement. This love fills all of our empty spaces. We may or may not experience this love as a couple: idealization does not necessarily happen when we are physically present next to someone. It’s more about how we overvalue the loved one.
Blind love, love at all costs
The idealization of the other, alongside an undervaluation of our person, causes many people to indulge too much in their relationships. This lack of limit can end up stifling the other. Or facilitate his evil plan if it is a person with bad intentions.
When we give everything we have to others, putting ourselves at the bottom of the ladder, we become completely vulnerable. If we are lucky, nothing bad will happen to us. But if we meet someone with not very noble intentions, we can go through very difficult situations. We don’t care for ourselves or for what we want to be and do: we live for each other. Even if the person has different interests than ours, we put what we like aside to do whatever the other says.
When I love you more than me
This type of love could be summed up with the phrase: “For me, you are more important than me”. To put it another way, when the loved one comes before us, an imbalance occurs. The characteristics that could arise from this situation are as follows:
- Forget who we are
- Allow the other to pass before us
- Let our self-esteem decrease
- Not knowing what to do if the other person is not there
- Living the life of the other
All of this can happen when we put the other on top of us. However, you should know that this does not correspond to a conscious decision or even to an interest. Very often, the other person cannot say no to their spouse’s requests. Whether it is because these are very frequent requests or because it does not have the necessary resources to respond adequately.
I am in love with love
Blind love can also appear when we are in love with love. What does that mean ? This is the moment when we have a definite idea in our head about love: for us, it is the most wonderful thing there is. And we want love without worrying about the answers to the most important questions. How? ‘Or’ What ? With who ? In which circumstances ?
When we fall in love with love, we might say that it doesn’t really matter who we are with. This is not important because we take care of creating an overlay image that fits with what we really want. In other words, we are looking for a relationship at all costs because we believe it is the right way to find love.
We are so busy fulfilling our expectations of love that we no longer take the time to get to know each other. We come to imagine things and what we imagine seems fantastic to us. Tying into these fantasies ends up fueling all that imagination. Until the moment the bubble bursts and we open our eyes. Baffled and bruised.
In this case, we are not idealizing the person, we are idealizing love. We really want to do romantic things and our self-esteem is involved. Indirectly, the search for love, in these cases, behind all these thoughts, is a logical response to maintain or improve the image we have of ourselves.
When we stop seeing the other person, we might lose the opportunity to have an authentic relationship. We focus on our idea of love so much that we don’t see what the other wants. We don’t let ourselves be surprised by every moment, by the present moment. We exalt love, we forget the other and we forget ourselves. We just want to know this magical love. This love is as comfortable as it is dangerous because no, it is not real.
To love without going blind
Love is not always blind. So here are some ideas for loving without a blindfold:
- Have a deeper connection with yourself. You need to be mindful of your source of attention and your internal dialogue. This way you won’t forget that you are important and unique to the people who love you. And you can actually love someone, not a surface your imagination draws whatever it wants.
- Set limits. You need to know what you want and say it clearly to your spouse. You have to be assertive.
- It is important to know that the other has as many qualities as faults. Don’t dehumanize the other. Like everyone else, it has positive and negative sides.
- Don’t go beyond your possibilities. Give what you can, without forgetting yourself. Loving another person doesn’t mean sacrificing everything.
- Letting go of your life doesn’t have to be an option. It is possible to love while taking care of yourself.
- Cultivate yourself so that you have something to offer to others. When you love and know yourself, you can do wonders. Thus, indirectly, the other can see you in a more positive way.
Loving does not make us blind: we can blind ourselves with love. We blindfold ourselves and leave out a lot of what is going on in the relationship, in the other person or in us. We decide things. To find out if you are experiencing blind love, connect with your inner self and be sincere. The answer lies within you.
Our thoughts Love, even if battles are fought, is not a war. Although there are clashes, the other is never the enemy. This other man …
