Parents Manipulators: Keys To Recognize Them
The relationship with your mom or dad has always been strained and unsatisfying, but you can’t figure out why? Do you frequently feel guilt? Do the actions, words and attitudes of your parents disturb you and do you feel that even as an adult, they affect you and limit you? You might have had the bad luck growing up with manipulative parents.
Anyone can apply emotional blackmail or lose their role in a person at some point. Manipulative parents employ a wide variety of strategies aimed at undermining and controlling their children’s self-esteem. And this, on a constant basis.
The keys to recognizing manipulative parents
Dealing with manipulative people is always unpleasant and harmful. However, when it is the parents who do so, the damage is much deeper and the consequences longer lasting. After all, they are the main reference figures and the main shapers of our personality. Therefore, knowing the signs of parental manipulation is very important.
Their mood dominates the situation
Each family reunion revolves around the mindset of the manipulative parent. When he is happy he is open, welcoming and friendly, but when his emotions are negative the whole environment becomes tense and uncomfortable. His emotions are unpredictable and their management is very inadequate. For this reason, the others are subject to the conditions set by that parent.
Parents manipulators do not welcome the successes and joys of their children
It is difficult to conceive that a parent cannot feel satisfaction in the face of success or the moments of joy of their children. However, manipulative parents can envy their children.
They are then critical or cynical and turn the positive news into grounds for guilt or shame. Holidays, career advancement, and even the birth of a child cease to be a joyous event and become tinged with negativity after going through the manipulator’s filter.
They try to separate them from the people who love them
A parent is expected to be happy that their children have healthy social relationships, that they interact with other people who love them. A manipulative parent will tend to criticize the partner and friends of their children, to minimize the value of the bond and to emphasize all the negative aspects. It’s just another way of trying to control.
They use affection as a means of manipulation
“If you loved me, you would come see me every day.” “I don’t know how you can tell me that after everything I’ve done for you.” Affection becomes the perfect tool for manipulation and control, and not just when it comes to generating guilt.
Manipulative parents may also use praise and gifts to gain favor with their children. And this, while hurting them through a lot of harmful attitudes.
Other keys to recognizing manipulative parents
The above signs are the most common. However, there is plenty of other evidence that clearly shows when a parent is toxic and manipulative. Let us take a few examples:
- A victim position. The manipulative parent does not recognize faults or responsibilities.
- Unclear communication. He hides his true motives and distorts reality in his favor.
- Inconsistent actions. An example: he berates their children because they never come to see him, but when they do come, the manipulative parent treats them badly or ignores them completely.
How to deal with manipulative parents?
The first step, and often the most difficult, is to recognize and accept that our father or mother is manipulative. There is a deeply rooted belief at the social level that a parent always wants the best for their children. This leads a lot of people to think that the predicament with their parents is with them.
In addition, manipulators can display multiple faces depending on the context and even the day, which can create a lot of confusion. However, once you recognize the manipulative context you grew up in, it becomes easier to deal with it.
Setting limits is essential to avoid letting these attitudes continue. In addition, it may be necessary to visit a professional to determine the emotional consequences.
Our thoughts Adolescence is an important phase of individual growth, where the bases of our identity are defined.
