Solomon’s Syndrome: Children Facing Separation From Their Parents
Biblical legends tell the story of two prostitutes fighting for a child, because both claimed to be the mother of the latter.
The two women then presented themselves to King Solomon for a decision. He then decided to cut the child in half so that each woman had an equal share. The story ends with the tears of the real mother, to whom her son was made whole.
This story is still very relevant, however. Indeed, when a couple separates, the child finds itself divided and shared between two loved ones; he then suffers from Solomon’s syndrome. (“ El síndrome de Salomón ” by Maria Barbero de Granda and María Bilbao Maté, 2008).
What is Solomon’s Syndrome?
Although the separation from his parents is more or less shocking in itself, the period of adaptation to find a new way of life is characterized by many changes on the emotional level and by strong contradictory feelings for these children who see their family structure collapsing.
Paying attention to these symptoms is essential to avoid too much psychological damage.
Separation: children’s emotions and feelings
Logically, Solomon’s syndrome is more or less strong depending on the age.
Communication will always be the solution. There are certain feelings that should definitely not be overlooked, such as sadness, abandonment or guilt, which are feelings that your child needs to express and that will need special attention. The child will have to externalize his feelings of rejection, anxiety, confusion or division.
In the mind of a young child, separation from his parents is just physical, and above all temporary. Moreover, his reasoning leads him to believe that he is responsible for this rupture.
As he grows up and enters adolescence, his intellectual and emotional development allows him to better understand the reasons and the repercussions. Adolescents, however, still have this need to find a culprit in this situation: this time their own parents or outside elements.
In any case, it is not only age that affects the feeling of separation. The change in life that occurs, the reactions of parents and those around him, as well as the character of the child are also factors to take into account.
Talking about this separation with your child
Solomon’s syndrome is inevitable. However, it will be more or less strong depending on the mode of action of the parents. Indeed, communication will inevitably help to cure this syndrome.
There is no such thing as a great time to talk about it. Children can be incredibly emotional receptive and may not necessarily perceive the discomfort parents feel.
However, that doesn’t mean that they clearly understand that this is a definitive breakup. It is therefore necessary to explain clearly to them what this means.
The first important thing is that the child understands this separation. This is not to talk about blame or arguments, but to explain that the parents are no longer happy together and that they have decided to end their relationship. It is necessary to clarify that no one is responsible and that it will be “forever”.
The second step is to pay attention to the feelings and behaviors of the child, and to call a child psychiatrist in case of confusion or too much guilt.
The third thing to do is to find the right balance between the rules established in each household (which the child will have to respect) and to set up rituals different from those he has known before, given that the situation is no longer the same.
In conclusion, a separation is always a painful moment to go through, but every difficult situation results in an inevitable adaptation.
It is on the way back to normalcy that the child must be guided, so that the symptoms of Solomon’s syndrome subside as quickly as possible.
by For Timbras
