The 5 Keys To A Good Emotional Contract

The right emotional contract is based on genuine engagement with yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you are breaking it. If you feed it with the pay of manipulation and toxicity, that contract is damaged as well. We must learn to be good managers of our life and of the delicate universe of emotions.

We understand the word “contract” as an agreement between two parties who agree to offer something and receive something else in return. However, in the emotional world, this transaction is much more intimate, and necessary. We are talking about those basic agreements that we have to make with ourselves in order to survive, to defend our dignity and to fight for our happiness.

If we analyze the topic of emotional contracts, we will realize that many of us have accepted contracts based on inequality. Part of it comes from childhood. There are children who have unjustly accepted the fact of “not being loved”. They therefore grope their way through maturity, dragging along with them the worst commitment of all: that of not loving themselves.

In our relationships as a couple, we also tend to seal implicit agreements that we ourselves take prisoner-es, without realizing it. We accept an emotional contract where the clause of manipulation, selfishness and contempt are acted without recoil, with the unconsciousness of a blind love and full of hope.

All of its dimensions are painful and complex, and must be faced with a good emotional contract that guarantees our dignity and our full right to struggle to be happy. We suggest that you think about 5 of these keys.

The right emotional contract must not fail

The right emotional contract requires above all compromise, courage and a clear willingness to begin to be who we really are. These dimensions may on the surface seem easy to put into practice. However, they are not at all: the points of this contract are as delicate as they are complex.

Here they are.

1. The right emotional contract sometimes requires breaking other emotional contracts

The inheritance of our family system is full of unspoken commitments that we unconsciously accept. Even though we see our roots as a unit, as a precious network formed by our parents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts, there are components that perhaps we should part with.

• We must take into account that today we continue to obey our primitive brains. It is he who tells us that “if we leave the clan, we will not survive”.

• However, it is sometimes necessary to break certain links, certain lines. If your dad, mom, or other loved one has made an emotional contract based on pain, fear, or selfish imposition, it’s time to break it.

2. You will love yourself above all else

Self-esteem is the one that gives us that indelible tint with which to seal the best contract of all: that of inner strength, self-defense, self-esteem …

• However, there are many people who go through life broken inside. Secretly hurt. Intimately fragmented.

• Realize that when someone doesn’t love themselves, they seek the support and recognition of others.

• Don’t do that. Remember that when we put our life in the hands of others, we lose everything and this is the worst contract we can sign in our life.

Do you like to. Love yourself above all else. It is only the one who loves himself / herself who is worthy of being loved. 

3. The emotional contract requires pacts with those who sign it

To live is to reach agreements, to set limits, to defend spaces and to harmonize one’s universe with that of others. We are souls forced to cohabit with others, to build happiness in common spaces. So the pacts are necessary and essential.

The right emotional contract is carried out with assertiveness. We must explain our needs while being able to respect the thoughts, wishes and values ​​of others.

• The right pact is signed with a sincere heart that stands up for itself and is intuitive enough to choose the best option.

4. Say “YES” without fear and “NO” without guilt

Self-assertiveness without aggression is an attitude and behavior that we must practice on a daily basis, as well as when following a balanced diet or playing sports. Saying “Yes” without fear and “No” without guilt is more than a necessary exercise in mental hygiene and survival.

It’s part of our emotional contract, it’s a key commitment that will undoubtedly allow us to create more respectful environments to be much happier.

5. You will not be your own enemy

We know how to recognize external predators, who harm us and make us vulnerable. However, we don’t always have the same ease in detecting someone who can act like a terrible enemy: ourselves.

The right emotional contract requires the following from us:

• You will accept yourself, in your greatness, in your faults, in your qualities and in every mistake you make.

• Your apologies should not put you in the box of lost dreams.

• You deserve everything you want.

• Remember that you are no less than others and that no one is better than you.

• Stop self-sabotaging yourself, you are in charge of your life and you have to dismantle all the “I can’t”, I’m not able ”,“ better give up ”,“ this is not for me ”. 

As you can see, the terms of this emotional contract are not always easy to follow. However, it is essential that you sign it, that you live up to this wonderful commitment to take care of yourself and love yourself. Doing it is not selfish, it is a breath of dignity and it is the basis of happiness.