The Use Of Innuendo Can Do A Lot Of Harm

The ingenious and talented actor and comedian Groucho Marx immortalized the phrase “Here are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others ”. He was a great actor who, with the use of comic innuendo, said everything he wanted to say, no offense to some. Of course, innuendo to make people laugh can sound funny, and usually they are.

However, they can turn into a problem when we find ourselves out of that context and want to convey an important message. In fact, in those contexts where the content of the conversation is particularly meaningful, we tend to use innuendo because we don’t feel sure of ourselves  to express the same message in a meaningful  way. direct.

Be aware that  if innuendos are not used judiciously and in the right context, they can really hurt. With the use of language in a distorted and manipulated way, we can even bring disaster to a sentimental or other kind of relationship, but a relationship that matters to us.

What is an innuendo and why can it hurt?

If we refer to the literal definition of the implied word, we can summarize it as an expression that is used to convey something, but without saying it clearly and precisely. Here is the most accepted meaning.

That is, innuendo may or may not be funny. If we look at the study conducted by Professor James K. McNulty, one conclusion emerges: high expectations destroy the happiness of many couples who have no solid or free bond.

How does innuendo relate to McNulty’s study? According to the researcher, the expectation of high expectations in marriage or in a couple leads to personal and marital dissatisfaction. All of this leads to a series of totally negative attitudes towards communication.

Conclusions on the implications

The dissatisfaction in marriage extracted from the study leads us to some conclusions that McNulty drew. For example, the advantage of being direct when requesting changes from a spouse. We need to be clear if we want to motivate the other person.

And in the event that we use innuendos and “spikes,” according to McNulty,  we are setting the stage for indirect hostility and sarcasm to become part of the relationship. Thus, we create an environment where reproach is camped by our side, removing any possibility of resolving conflicts. We are becoming destructive.

In reality,  excessive innuendo is a flaw in couples’ communication channels. It is an excellent ground for the emergence of silences, contempt, aggressiveness and the absence of verbal or non-verbal communication. An evil which, according to the study, is experienced by a large number of marriages.

“You shouldn’t speak cynically too often. But you still have to be. “

-Walter Serner-

Other interesting cases of innuendo

Other researchers have gone much further on the issue of the use of innuendo. Anthropologist Gregory Bateson estimated in his publications in 1956 that “two-way messages” such as “spikes”, if repeated too frequently in a given period, can even drift into anxiety disorders and also on schizophrenia.

This does not mean that we cannot make use of innuendo in routine communication. In fact, there is no reason for it to lead to a pathological problem. We can do this on an occasional basis, but keeping in mind that we are putting a veil on our communication, which makes it difficult for the message to flow.

How to moderate the logical use of innuendo

There are sensible ways to moderate the use of innuendo, of course. Here are some ideas from the studies of McNulty, Bateson or Víctor Pacheco, who also worked on this theme:

• In a relationship where two or more parties are involved,  it is absolutely necessary to lay the groundwork to enable respectful and healthy communication. We have to think before we speak and not try to hurt the other by taking this as a constant means of defending ourselves.

• We must show the most direct sincerity in any relationship. If we use innuendo to avoid doing harm, or even to do harm, we are damaging communication, avoiding the problem and breaking all tune. We can use the innuendo, but with the understanding that it was just that, an implication and not a clear and direct message. In this way, we will have to take full responsibility for the lack of understanding of others.
• Thinking before you speak is another detail to consider. In this way, we will know what we are saying, we will learn to respect the point of view of other people and we will arrive at more enriching discussions, leading to more valuable conclusions.

“The devil is not the prince of matter, the devil is the arrogance of the spirit, faith without a smile, the truth which is never touched by doubt. “

-Umberto Eco-

Remember to use innuendo in a moderate way, knowing the terrain where you are moving well and having established common ground  with the other person. If not, you could create a culture broth that would end the relationship within a few months. Is this really what you want?