What Does A Child Of Toxic Parents Hate?

We are often not aware of the pain that we can cause with our actions and our words. This is a very common communicative slippage, even for the most thoughtful people. This problem accentuates the negative consequences when the impulsive person is a father or mother with their child.

Bernardo Stamateas, author of the famous free Gente Tóxica  (in French, “Toxic people”), says: “Do not cling to those who do not rejoice in your successes” . But what happens in the case of a child? He cannot change father or mother like one changes friends or work colleagues.

What does a toxic parent do?

If in Spain, the book of Stamateas became very popular, the term “toxic parent” was instead coined by Susan Forward. This North American psychologist is also the author of a work entitled Parents qui detestent , which has enjoyed a certain notoriety.

For Forward, a toxic parent is someone who causes pain in their children. The means, as well as the motivations, are very varied. The former cover manipulation, excessive demands, mistreatment etc.

But we have to ask ourselves a question: what goes on in a parent’s mind to start a toxic education for their child? According to the author, everything starts from own traumas, in connection with selfishness or narcissism. His personal triumphs and successes are what matters, and if they fail, they turn their frustrations on their children, humiliating them and undermining their own self-esteem.

What does a parent hate the most about their toxic parent?

Through various studies and research, psychologists like Forward have shown what a child with a toxic parent suffers most from. It is important to know this in order to be able to identify harmful attitudes and remedy them.

An excessively demanding parent

If a parent does not tolerate their child’s failure, they are likely to translate this into toxic attitudes and communications. Thus, he can be demanding and a perfectionist to the point of despair. This leads him to point out again and again the mistakes of the child, who will feel truly affected. Basically, what happens is that the parent turns his low self-esteem and his feeling of inferiority on the child.

A born manipulator

Toxic fatherhood or motherhood often bases its justifications on manipulation. She detects the weaknesses of the little one and uses them to achieve her goal. So it makes sense that the child will end up feeling controlled, exhausted, and even unable to make their own decisions.

“The neurotic invades, controls, agglutinates and suffocates the other constantly. The message is: Without me you cannot live. ”

-Bernado Stamateas-

Authoritarianism, intransigence and lack of tolerance

Obviously, the toxic parent is poorly tolerant and overbearing. It forces the child to behave in a determined manner regardless of his feelings or needs. This inflexibility means that the little one is not very happy because he does not feel understanding, closeness and tenderness on the part of his progenitor.

Abuse

Toxic parents come to a head when they turn into physical abusers because they are often verbal abusers before things get worse. Thus, insults, bad talk and beatings that affect the safety and self-esteem of the child begin to recur.

Critics to excess

Parents with toxic upbringing are not only insanely demanding, but also overly critical. They rarely praise their children. Even if they do something very well, their parents will always see something negative, correctable or in need of improvement and censorship. Of course, they do not take into account their child’s age, abilities, intention etc. This attitude puts the little ones on the defensive, and they think it’s the only way to bond with the world.

Lack of tenderness

If there is something indispensable for a child, it is the tenderness and affection of his loved ones: those that we feel, but also that we demonstrate. Bonds largely define healthy child development. Know that a child who does not feel loved by his parents will be a sad and extinct child.

The toxic parent, by turning all his frustration on his child, will instill in him guilt. Each failure of the parent will fall on the child who will be more and more irritable and insecure.

“Our parents are sowing mental and emotional seeds in us, and these seeds grow with us. In some families, these are seeds of love, respect and independence. But in many others it is the seeds of that fear, obligation or guilt. ”

-Susan Forward-

Before we end this article, we want to remind you that a toxic parent is also uncommunicative, protective to the point of exhaustion, and will always try to give their child the life they didn’t have. He will therefore rarely accept the desires and aspirations of the child that go out of this clear path. We are talking about a selfish parent here who will try to plan every detail of their child’s world. Ultimately, a being who will succeed in being hated by his child, who will develop serious emotional problems, related to self-esteem, responsibility and security.

Also read: